tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-319640392024-03-08T02:18:48.835+00:00Lemmy&BinkyCaptain Binkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03614852364164229487noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-86953863684570339752007-05-18T18:33:00.000+00:002007-05-18T22:47:39.196+00:00Lemmy&Binky Guide to Pulling Women<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZGpFPar-5inSWQrqOU9DxXZ_2Yv3KPl4Zre8Fsj7RA3rcfZAr_8MAyGnig827dv3t17sChmJmoafbxNqhgCvqYT5Nncr9Z4auEieOkkjkrIo0b7n91gUoVxkXvPCUS12IYyD4Iw/s1600-h/woman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZGpFPar-5inSWQrqOU9DxXZ_2Yv3KPl4Zre8Fsj7RA3rcfZAr_8MAyGnig827dv3t17sChmJmoafbxNqhgCvqYT5Nncr9Z4auEieOkkjkrIo0b7n91gUoVxkXvPCUS12IYyD4Iw/s320/woman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5065970952568318450" border="0" /></a><span lang="EN-GB">As you may, or may not, know, apart from our penchant for comma-ridden run-on sentences, Lemmy&Binky, indie babblers extraordinaire(s), are literally brilliant at pulling women. No, seriously. We may be pasty-faced computer geeks that have spoken more words to Nintendogs than real women, but we know our stuff, and that is a fact.</span><span><p><b><span lang="EN-GB"></span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Anyway, after clambering for another subject to do one of our ever-useful "Lemmy&Binky guides" we decided we would share our "gift" with all the other indie geeks out there, and in the process destroy the entire indie game development industry by getting all the developers girlfriends. </span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">This guide is, of course, flagrantly disregarding the fact that some indie developers are apparently women, but come on! That <b>must</b> be some kind of Garage Games spawned propaganda to get poor nerds to buy Torque on the grounds that it might get them laid, and we ain't buying it! Sorry Garage Games!</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">We also saw this as an opportunity to show that we understand women, and dispel some of the vicious myths that we think all women who don't look like Mia should be put in "camps" of some description.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">So let the guidage begin!</span></p> <p><b><span lang="EN-GB">Confidence is Everything</span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">You aren't going to attract the womens if you think you're a bit rubbish and that. Here are some tips on becoming more confident when listening to women prattle on about whatever it is they like to prattle on about.</span></p> <p><i><span lang="EN-GB">Be the Alpha Male</span></i></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">What is the "Alpha Male", you ask? Well, you know when you see those nature programmes and that lion goes around the place eating gazelles and things? Well it's got something do with them. Lions, that is.<script><!-- D(["mb","\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Here are\nsome tips to becoming the "Alpha Male".\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cul style\u003d\"margin-top:0cm\" type\u003d\"disc\"\>\u003cli\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Apply some extra downwards\n velocity to your footsteps, making a 'clomping' sound as you walk. This\n gives you something called 'presence'.\u003c/span\>\u003c/li\>\u003cli\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>When any other male in the\n vicinity says anything at all, scoff and say "how d'ya figure that??" in a\n loud voice. \u003c/span\>\u003c/li\>\u003cli\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Buy a t-shirt with a big letter\n "A" printed on the front of it, and buy all your friends t-shirts with\n other letters on them for their birthdays. Act all hurt if they refuse to\n wear them on nights out.\u003c/span\>\u003c/li\>\u003cli\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Fight things at every\n opportunity. Mountain gorillas work best, but even brutally attacking a\n small bush can work well if approached with sufficient gusto.\u003c/span\>\u003c/li\>\u003c/ul\>\u003c/span\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Above all,\nremember one thing: "Arrogance" is just a word invented by rubbish people who\nare jealous of you.\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\u003cspan\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003ci\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>The 'Russell Crowe' Technique \u003c/span\>\u003c/i\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>There is\nwhat is known in the pickup-artist circles as the Russell Crowe Technique,\nwhich can help tremendously if you're one of those types who lack in confidence.\nThe routine is simple: Each day spend just ten minutes convincing yourself that\nyou're Russell Crowe. To do this, you can repeat the mantra "G'day mate, I am\nRussell Crowe" repeatedly to yourself, start random fights with people on the\ntube, or 'remember' how funny it was when that guy who plays Harold Bishop\npooed himself on the set of Neighbours.\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>After a few\nweeks of this, you will literally become Russell Crowe. As well as having a\nlucrative career in the movie business, you will become an all together more\nconfident person.\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cb\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>",1] ); //--></script></span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Here are some tips to becoming the "Alpha Male".</span></p> <ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li><span lang="EN-GB">Apply some extra downwards velocity to your footsteps, making a 'clomping' sound as you walk. This gives you something called 'presence'.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-GB">When any other male in the vicinity says anything at all, scoff and say "how d'ya figure that??" in a loud voice. </span></li><li><span lang="EN-GB">Buy a t-shirt with a big letter "A" printed on the front of it, and buy all your friends t-shirts with other letters on them for their birthdays. Act all hurt if they refuse to wear them on nights out.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-GB">Fight things at every opportunity. Mountain gorillas work best, but even brutally attacking a small bush can work well if approached with sufficient gusto.</span></li></ul></span> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Above all, remember one thing: "Arrogance" is just a word invented by rubbish people who are jealous of you.</span></p><span> <p><i><span lang="EN-GB">The 'Russell Crowe' Technique </span></i></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">There is what is known in the pickup-artist circles as the Russell Crowe Technique, which can help tremendously if you're one of those types who lack in confidence. The routine is simple: Each day spend just ten minutes convincing yourself that you're Russell Crowe. To do this, you can repeat the mantra "G'day mate, I am Russell Crowe" repeatedly to yourself, start random fights with people on the tube, or 'remember' how funny it was when that guy who plays Harold Bishop pooed himself on the set of Neighbours.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">After a few weeks of this, you will literally become Russell Crowe. As well as having a lucrative career in the movie business, you will become an all together more confident person.</span></p> <p><b><span lang="EN-GB"><script><!-- D(["mb","Offence is just a fence. Climb over it!\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Wow! We've\nliterally just amazed ourselves with that incredibly poignant and cleverly writ\nsection header. Fuck knows what in crickey it means, but we're \u003ci\>almost definite\u003c/i\> it can increase your\npulling power by at least 21.45%! Use it responsibly! Like Spiderman!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/span\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cb\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Women want a man who understands them\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Women\naren't looking for some guy who doesn't realise them as a person with aspirations\nand skills, and a person with potential to do whatever they put their minds to.\nYou need to be ready to show that you understand them, to complement them on\nnot just their nice boobies and pretty smile, but also on the things that other\nsexist blokes would never consider complementing them on, like what they are\ngood at and are passionate about. To show them respect for their own unique\naccomplishments and merits that go beyond physical appearance.\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>A good way\nto do this is to try and drop into the conversation, as early as possible, that\nyou sincerely respect how much better at ironing they likely are than you. Also\nthat you bet they get the really clever jokes on "Have I Got News For You".\nEven the ones about politics and stuff!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Also take\nthe time to find out what else they are passionate about. What soaps do they\nlike, exactly? And who do they think is going to win Fame Academy\nthis time?\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cb\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Presenting Yourself\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>You aren't\ngoing to get anywhere if you're wearing clothes made of paper, or have only\nshaved around your face and left a little bush of hair under your nose, or\nsomething equally silly. Also if you shout a lot, or talk too quiet, you're\ngoing to come across in a way that makes them not want to sleep with you.\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Actually,\nscratch that last bit. Shouting will probably work, as long as you *really*\nshout, like you're the best shouter in the world or something. They'd dig that\nkinda shit, surely?",1] ); //--></script>Offence is just a fence. Climb over it!</span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Wow! We've literally just amazed ourselves with that incredibly poignant and cleverly writ section header. Fuck knows what in crickey it means, but we're <i>almost definite</i> it can increase your pulling power by at least 21.45%! Use it responsibly! Like Spiderman!</span></p></span> <p><b><span lang="EN-GB">Women want a man who understands them</span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Women aren't looking for some guy who doesn't realise them as a person with aspirations and skills, and a person with potential to do whatever they put their minds to. You need to be ready to show that you understand them, to complement them on not just their nice boobies and pretty smile, but also on the things that other sexist blokes would never consider complementing them on, like what they are good at and are passionate about. To show them respect for their own unique accomplishments and merits that go beyond physical appearance.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">A good way to do this is to try and drop into the conversation, as early as possible, that you sincerely respect how much better at ironing they likely are than you. Also that you bet they get the really clever jokes on "Have I Got News For You". Even the ones about politics and stuff!</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Also take the time to find out what else they are passionate about. What soaps do they like, exactly? And who do they think is going to win Fame Academy this time?</span></p> <p><b><span lang="EN-GB">Presenting Yourself</span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">You aren't going to get anywhere if you're wearing clothes made of paper, or have only shaved around your face and left a little bush of hair under your nose, or something equally silly. Also if you shout a lot, or talk too quiet, you're going to come across in a way that makes them not want to sleep with you.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Actually, scratch that last bit. Shouting will probably work, as long as you *really* shout, like you're the best shouter in the world or something. They'd dig that kinda shit, surely?<script><!-- D(["mb","\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003ci\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Clothing\u003c/span\>\u003c/i\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>So you want\nto dress in a way that women find "fashionable". This means going into a\nclothes shop and, instead of picking clothing that you think "I could wear\nthat!" as you normally would, instead choose clothes that you personally think\nwould make you look stupid and wouldn't suit you. There is a 93.4% chance that\nthese are "fashionable".\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003ci\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Talking\u003c/span\>\u003c/i\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Regarding\nyour voice, the best way to sound attractive to a woman is to put on a British\naccent. If you are British anyway, and are in Britain at the time, then obviously\nthis isn't going to work. In this case, try putting on an accent like Dr.\nBashir off Deep Space Nine instead. That'll do the trick!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003ci\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Smelling\u003c/span\>\u003c/i\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>It is a\nlittle known fact that full-on man sweat is the most attractive fragrance to\nwomen. \u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Some noble\nnerds in the fragrance industry originally invented deodorant to combat the\nsuperior man-sweat in big, burly football watching blokey blokes, to try and\nreaddress the balance of power somewhat in the favour of the geek community. \u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Unfortunately,\nsomewhere along the way this vital information was lost, and the poor geeks\nhave started using this fantastically potent anti-sex weapon on themselves,\nbuying into the propaganda campaign that it is going to help them in their\nbattle to get their end away! Oh the irony!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Remember:\nSweat soiled under-arms are like the fans of a peacock. Flap them about wildly,\nand women be yours!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cb\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Conclusion\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Pulling\nwomen is easy. If you are ever in doubt, just do the exact opposite to what\nlogic would suggest, and you are probably on the right path. \u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>",1] ); //--></script></span></p> <p><i><span lang="EN-GB">Clothing</span></i></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">So you want to dress in a way that women find "fashionable". This means going into a clothes shop and, instead of picking clothing that you think "I could wear that!" as you normally would, instead choose clothes that you personally think would make you look stupid and wouldn't suit you. There is a 93.4% chance that these are "fashionable".</span></p> <p><i><span lang="EN-GB">Talking</span></i></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Regarding your voice, the best way to sound attractive to a woman is to put on a British accent. If you are British anyway, and are in Britain at the time, then obviously this isn't going to work. In this case, try putting on an accent like Dr. Bashir off Deep Space Nine instead. That'll do the trick!</span></p> <p><i><span lang="EN-GB">Smelling</span></i></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">It is a little known fact that full-on man sweat is the most attractive fragrance to women. </span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Some noble nerds in the fragrance industry originally invented deodorant to combat the superior man-sweat in big, burly football watching blokey blokes, to try and readdress the balance of power somewhat in the favour of the geek community. </span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Unfortunately, somewhere along the way this vital information was lost, and the poor geeks have started using this fantastically potent anti-sex weapon on themselves, buying into the propaganda campaign that it is going to help them in their battle to get their end away! Oh the irony!</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Remember: Sweat soiled under-arms are like the fans of a peacock. Flap them about wildly, and women be yours!</span></p> <p><b><span lang="EN-GB">Conclusion</span></b></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Pulling women is easy. If you are ever in doubt, just do the exact opposite to what logic would suggest, and you are probably on the right path. </span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB"><script><!-- D(["mb","In the wise\nwords of Dave Lister, women are not some alien species that need to be\nconquered with trickery, they're just people. \u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>And once\nyou realise this fact, then you'll always have the edge in convincing them they\nwant to sleep with you, even when they actually don't!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cspan lang\u003d\"EN-GB\"\>Happy\nhunting!\u003c/span\>\u003c/p\>\u003cdiv\>\u003cdiv\>\u003cspan\>\u003cbr\>\u003c/span\>\u003c/div\>\u003c/div\>\n",0] ); D(["mi",8,2,"1129f24a656b7e78",0,"0","lemmy101","lemmy101","lemmy101@gmail.com",[[["Tara","maewynmorningsun@hotmail.com","1129f24a656b7e78"] ] ,[] ,[] ] ,"1:23 pm (6 hours ago)",["Tara Godwin \u003cmaewynmorningsun@hotmail.com\>"] ,[] ,[] ,[] ,"May 18, 2007 1:23 PM","thoughts? :)","",[] ,1,,,"Fri May 18 2007_1:23 PM","On 5/18/07, lemmy101 \u003clemmy101@gmail.com\> wrote:","On 5/18/07, \u003cb class\u003dgmail_sendername\>lemmy101\u003c/b\> <lemmy101@gmail.com> wrote:","gmail.com",,,"","",0,,"\u003c214c22a30705180523j4c7b9ea9jeb6c1ef457053677@mail.gmail.com\>",0,,0,"In reply to \"thoughts? :)\"",0] ); //--></script>In the wise words of Dave Lister, women are not some alien species that need to be conquered with trickery, they're just people. </span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">And once you realise this fact, then you'll always have the edge in convincing them they want to sleep with you, even when they actually don't!</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Happy hunting!</span></p><div><div><span><br /></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-165469246568349252007-04-19T19:13:00.000+00:002007-04-19T19:35:11.582+00:00Lemmy&Binky Indieview # 2 – Jack Thompson<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.gameshout.com/news/012006/images/012006_2668.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 178px; height: 133px;" src="http://www.gameshout.com/news/012006/images/012006_2668.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>For our second "indieview", we're excited to have unflappable seer of truth and justice, Jack Thompson of Thompsonsquire. In case you don't know who he is, he’s that brilliant comedy character that has been turning up in web-comics right across the internet. Imagine our surprise when it turned out to be a real person! <p>We’ve been reading his stuff, and he clearly knows what he’s talking about! This is the brave warrior against all that is evil in the world (violent video games, obviously) and his never-ending quest to bring down child-corrupting evil empires like id software and Rockstar North.<br /><br />We salute you, Jack Thompson! Tell us how it really is!</p> <p><b>L&B: Hi Jack! Thank you for joining us! So, tell us how video games cause violence?</b></p> <p>JT: Well, to determine the link between violent video games and murderous psychosis, there have been many extensive studies performed on groups of hippies. We made them play a game called <a href="http://gibbage.co.uk/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gibbage</span></a>, created by some murderer-lover called <a href="http://gibbage.co.uk/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Marshadillo Dondanshell</span></a>. After 10 minutes of playing they began to show some homicidal tendencies, mainly pulling on each others hair. After 30 minutes of game-play the group began to eat each other's eyes out, and torture rats with acid. After 2 hours of exposure, every single one of them had begun constructing orbital weapon platforms, with aspirations of galactic domination.</p> <p><b>L&B: Couldn't that just be coincidence?</b></p> <p>JT: No! The problem is that gamers seem to blindly defend violent video games without even looking into the facts! For example, did you know that Hitler played violent video games?<br /><br /><b>L&B: Hitler? Wow! That explains a lot, huh?<br /></b><br />JT: Yes indeed! The fact is we have strong evidence to suggest that US Marines found several copies of Doom and Super Columbine Massacre RPG in Hitler's bunker shortly after the fall of the Third Reich. This evidence is in addition to sections of his <st1:city st="on">Nuremberg</st1:city> address, where he can clearly be heard saying "GTA: <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Vice</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">City</st1:placetype></st1:place> is the shit, man!" and "I got me a score of 12 on Manhunt!". This is stone cold FACT that anyone can find out by reading things I say in interviews.</p> <p><b>L&B: So are you saying that Hitler wasn't mentally unhinged in any way before playing games?</b></p> <p>JT: Exactly! We can see from looking at official records that, before he began playing these vile "murder simulators", he was a compassionate, well adjusted and friendly guy who regularly got invited to parties and asked to baby sit friends' small children. He even had quite a stylish moustache that looked a little bit like a Fu Manchu!</p> <p> <b>L&B: So violent video games caused World War II, then?</b></p> <p> JT: Of course! He was a vegetarian painter! What could possibly turn a friendly, animal loving, vegetarian painter into a genocidal maniac? Surely playing on a video game for a few hours is the only thing that could have this profound an effect on someone's mind? The fact is this conclusively proves that every act of violence committed since the dawn of our species can be blamed on these sick video game "murder simulators".<br /><br /><b>L&B: So what about the Mongol invasions?<br /></b><br />JT: Errr… Counterstrike.<br /><br /><b>L&B: Ahhh. Of course… Well who can argue with that?<br /></b><br />JT: Indeed! The fact is, an independent study conclusively proves that anybody who disagrees with me plays violent video games, and is therefore a murderer. Who can trust a murderer? No one, that's who! </p> <p>Man, I'm so obviously right about every single thing I say!<br /><br /><b>L&B: You are that, Jack my friend, you are that! So what's next in<br />the exciting world of video-game fascism?<br /></b><br />JT: Well, I'm currently working on a case to prove that Mario causes gayness.<br /><br /><b>L&B: Wow! Can we have your autograph?<br /></b><br />JT: Racist!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-4838803564785096652007-04-01T16:14:00.000+00:002007-04-12T09:09:02.670+00:00Through the Indie Looking Glass – 1st April 2007<span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Welcome to Through the Indie Looking Glass! This is the rather sophisticatedly yet lovingly cliché titled regular feature on the blog where we, the writers, will write for you, the readers, to read, about up-and-coming indie games that will make your eyes bleed (in a good way) or maybe make your ears fall off--though this is unlikely as they’re probably pretty well attached by sinew and flesh (unless you’ve been mauled by a dog, in which case you’re probably not that concerned about the goings on in the indie scene at this moment, are you??)<o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Lemmy&Binky is the only place you will ever need to go to find out about all those up-and-coming indie gems! And we’re not only talking about the kind of gems that you can match 3 of to make them disappear, oh no! We’re talking about the kind of gems that—<o:p><br /></o:p><br />Scratch this, it’s not working. Now on with the games:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span><b style="">Addage</b></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p>This long awaited title from <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a> creator <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://gibbage.co.uk/">Donatello Marshmellow</a> is top of our list of most anticipated indie games of the century.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilgsD6EPMqo8jITXhNLYid0JMS3LIISAtnw5xICsud6C9oR_iXKj0nMW77VB5EFaIsWkxeKxrYKKX9j2Y83W9mm4DCncT60sKKfM8vAMmTvwpublPmTyfxIetfgevIz5uX5ea7Vw/s1600-h/Addage.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilgsD6EPMqo8jITXhNLYid0JMS3LIISAtnw5xICsud6C9oR_iXKj0nMW77VB5EFaIsWkxeKxrYKKX9j2Y83W9mm4DCncT60sKKfM8vAMmTvwpublPmTyfxIetfgevIz5uX5ea7Vw/s320/Addage.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5048502329533307698" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Dubbed by its creator as “Multiplayer Mathematical Fun—With Blood”, and continuing on Don’s tradition of old-skool social gaming. Addage sees two players violently duking it out in 30 diverse arenas with every increasingly difficult mathematical puzzles, along with wise proverbs from the man himself, and promises to be the most violent edutainment title ever made. This has not stopped “The Don” marketing the upcoming release of the game to schools across the country, where he hopes to “breed a new generation of twisted and violent youths with an excellent grasp of long multiplication”.<br /><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />Good luck Don, we look forward to hearing more on this exciting title!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Jill Goes Postal<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Jill, the heart-meltingly lovely-yet-bland and pert-breasted lass from the hit Cake Mania series, is back, and this time she’s pissed off!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">After the violent murder of her grandparents by rival cake-shop proprietor Mr. Trifle, Jill embarks upon a hate-filled quest for bloody vengeance, which will see Jill travel across America handing out terminal justice to all of her enemy’s friends and family by ever more sadistic means, before finally ridding the world forever of his disgusting apple and carrot marzipan cakes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">After playing an early beta copy, we feel the developers must be commended for the brave social commentary that runs through the game, broaching such taboo subjects as racism, incest and buggery. This is a day that Jill, and her helpless victims, will likely never forget!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">We’ll keep you posted on any news about this one!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Bill O’ Reilly’s Coconut Knockout Extreme Challenge<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">A bit of a scoop here! Seems that Fox News presenter Bill O’ Reilly has stepped into the indie development arena, with a fun little casual game which is similar to the Coconut Shies that have entertained fairground visitors for centuries.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">BORCKEC, as it’s being referred to across the interweb, is a pleasing blend of casual mouse-driven arcade game-play, and right-wing elitist propaganda that is sure to please all but the most hard-core, leftie gamers. Your task is to knock over enough coconuts in the allotted time so that “Bush the Great Commander for the Good and Just” will award you a golden button. You must win all 14 golden buttons before you will be able to annihilate all countries in the <st1:place st="on">Middle East</st1:place> and claim all that “black go juice” for your brave leader!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQ8MahNOFII2Q9wi3izISmdojRhhOLJbwAB2SMo8pCmLHSthMcEw7CRw7a8Q4JdGne0QNNfNJPk-cwBaUoQKA3Bz4YfD7d9ou53BogpP_LhCQIIAG3hvtjWJheY5APhUJODsjKw/s1600-h/Coconut.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidQ8MahNOFII2Q9wi3izISmdojRhhOLJbwAB2SMo8pCmLHSthMcEw7CRw7a8Q4JdGne0QNNfNJPk-cwBaUoQKA3Bz4YfD7d9ou53BogpP_LhCQIIAG3hvtjWJheY5APhUJODsjKw/s320/Coconut.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5048502475562195778" border="0" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">In a highly generous move, Bill has revealed that BORCKEC will be completely free to download, and is even vying to get it included in the next service pack for Windows Vista to sit alongside old favourites Solitaire and Minesweeper.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">What a lovely bloke!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">LINUX USER 3<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">As the only realistic Linux user simulator on the market, the LU series is often touted as being as close to the experience of being a Linux user available. LU3 puts you in the driver’s seat of the most accurate virtual Linux box to date, and promises to be the best iteration of the franchise so far.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDmVdcWD16WmUzG59eCFErzZ7gloUV2RpzxvBiDAzwuNjDMNLKss4x16DxdlxdS1P5xqeIMyCTR0ddLYcUxBlgmcS5OtO8tfn62sQlcd1zSueeemKIG7UsoXmGv953_r-_drqXw/s1600-h/Linux.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDmVdcWD16WmUzG59eCFErzZ7gloUV2RpzxvBiDAzwuNjDMNLKss4x16DxdlxdS1P5xqeIMyCTR0ddLYcUxBlgmcS5OtO8tfn62sQlcd1zSueeemKIG7UsoXmGv953_r-_drqXw/s320/Linux.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5048502668835724114" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">LU3 sports ultra-high definition 3D graphics of an authentic looking Linux terminal and desk, with amazing attention to detail (even in as far as your character’s smug and self-satisfied grin reflected in the monitor) as well as full-stereo sound of humming machines, distant tapping of keys and violent retching, this game puts you straight into the action. The mouse can be used to focus on different parts of the monitor while playing, or to look around in distain at other characters in the game, with the keyboard being used to type in unnecessarily long console commands, as well as to trigger various patronizing snorts and half-baked, biased arguments at passing PC users about how much better and more secure Linux is than Windows. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">You can take control over 30 different Linux users, from the balding, overweight, sweaty Linux-head who just hates Microsoft purely for the sake of it, to the weedy, creepy Linux user who claims erroneously that Linux never, ever crashes, and that anyone who uses a PC is obviously a brainwashed idiot. As well as this, LU3 realistically simulates many different Linux distributions, from Gnome, to some of the lesser known ones like those that we’ve never heard of and can’t be bothered to google.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">The game has a steep learning curve, and the user interface is very clunky, unreliable and difficult to use, while later levels will undoubtedly prove a near impossible challenge when PC users start using counter-arguments about how much of an unnecessary arse on it is to do even the simplest of tasks in Linux--though all these shortcomings are unavoidable if the game is to provide an authentic experience.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">For those who are looking for a simple and arcadeier operating system simulator, this will probably not be your cup of tea. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Also, the game is only currently available on Windows, like pretty much every other piece of software that exists today.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Match-4 Match Mania Madness 4<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">No, come back! This is the Match-3 game that will turn the entire genre on its head. Why? It’s so daringly original it is hardly fair calling it a Match-3 game. For a start, you match <span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span>, not <span style="font-weight: bold;">3</span>! And you’re not matching gems! Oh no! You’re matching <b style="">matches</b>! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">These matchsticks have different coloured tips. Once you match 4 of them, their coloured tips will ignite, burning all adjacent matchsticks that have tips of the same colour!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Also the matches don’t fall down from the top of the screen as, in a radical twist on the genre; they kind of slide in from the right, and wobble up and down a bit. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">There are also <b style="">no green matches</b>! M4MMM4 has a shockingly original brownish colour match tip instead. Totally crazy!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">There are also “power matches” which… (<i style="">You were going to say: you bet they destroy all the matches on the screen that are the same colour as the match it lands on? Weren’t you?)</i> Well, <b style="">HA</b>! HA, HA and triple HA! They don’t do that <b style="">at all</b>!) They do something <b style="">completely different</b>. They destroy all the matches on the screen that are the same colour as the match to the <b style="">right</b> of where they land!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Also the gravity goes up… and to the left! Plus you play the levels in reverse order! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Genius!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">This list goes on and on. As you can probably tell, this is as far away from a traditional Match-4 game as you could possibly get without it spontaneously transforming into some kind of first-person-shooter or farming simulator or something. Awesmoe!<o:p></o:p></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-38187251974151752252007-03-19T21:48:00.000+00:002007-03-20T09:50:15.783+00:00Celebrity Indie Game Review: Cute Cats<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">As regular readers of our blog will be fully aware, Lemmy&Binky are committed to bringing you only the finest in high quality Indie Games reviews from all of our high-profile celebrity contacts.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Today’s review will be no different. We spoke to five top-notch celebrity cute cats and asked them to review their very favourite Indie Games…</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Cute Cat #1 – Mr Miggles reviews Shlongg!<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/267486LQsP_w.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/267486LQsP_w.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">Mr Miggles - likes pink things.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">After tucking into a lovely bowl of </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Sheba</span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span style="" lang="EN-GB">, Mr Miggles likes nothing more than playing with a ball of twine, and therefore also awesmoe “ball of twine” simulator, <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.shlongg.com/">Shlongg</a>! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Impressively, during the review, Mr Miggles only wee’d on the keyboard twice – clearly a mark of respect to the “whizzy twirly stuff” which have made this game “whizzy and twirly”.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Mr Miggles rates </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.shlongg.com/">Shlongg</a> </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">1 bird’s head, and an unidentifiable mound of goo.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Cute Cat #2 – Buffles & Brother Percy review Gibbage<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/cute_cat.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/cute_cat.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Buffles & Brother Percy. They’re friends, see?</span><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-style: italic;"> </span> </div><p style="text-align: left; font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Buffles and Brother Percy are social gamers, so their game of choice would naturally be Don Marshmallow’s <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a>. Attracted by the special “things”, “stuff”, and “that” features which have made this game a hit with kittens all over somewhere or other, Buffles and Percy sat enthralled for literally minutes before they started excitedly licking each other in places we’d rather not talk about.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Buffles & Brother Percy rate </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a> </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">5 stars out of 3 apples.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Cute Cat #3 – Fogsworth reviews Democracy<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/cutebunny.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/cutebunny.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">Fogsworth shortly after playing Democracy</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style="text-align: left;"> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Shy little Fogworth got a bit scared playing <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.positech.co.uk/democracy/index.html">Democracy</a>. In a highly unexpected turn of events, the sheer depth of gameplay in </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.positech.co.uk/democracy/index.html">Democracy</a> </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">caused Fogsworth to spontaneously transform into a bunny. And a rather adorable bunny at that. Can there be any higher form of praise? Well yes, obviously, but that’s not the point. The point is this: If Fogsworth can turn into a bunny after just three minutes playing </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.positech.co.uk/democracy/index.html">Democracy</a> </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">, imagine the horrific experimentation he’s enduring right now! “Save kittens, buy </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.positech.co.uk/democracy/index.html">Democracy</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">!” Fogsworth would be saying if he wasn’t currently pumped full of morphine!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Fogsworth rates </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.positech.co.uk/democracy/index.html">Democracy</a> </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">4 influenza injections and some eye-shadow.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Cute Cat #4 – Germima reviews Click the Spot</span></b><span style="" lang="EN-GB"></span></p> </div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/Cat%20Nap.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/Cat%20Nap.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">Germima – Definitely not bored by Click the Spot</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Germima loves <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://lemmyandbinky.blogspot.com/2006/08/new-game-we-will-not-be-deterred.html">Click the Spot</a> so much, that she doesn’t need to actually ever play the game to adore it. But she thinks it’s great, honestly, and this game is definitely not included here because it was written by us. No, it’s a complete coincidence – we would say it surprised us, but frankly given how mind-blowingly brilliant </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://lemmyandbinky.blogspot.com/2006/08/new-game-we-will-not-be-deterred.html">Click the Spot</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> is, its inclusion here in the upper echelons of cutting edge Indie Games was inevitable.<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Lemmy&Binky – er, we mean Germima, rates </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://lemmyandbinky.blogspot.com/2006/08/new-game-we-will-not-be-deterred.html">Click the Spot</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> 5,000,000% amazing-ness.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Cute Cat #5 – Piddlefoot reviews Cake Mania</span></b><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/ugly_cat.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/BlogPics/ugly_cat.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">Only the cutest cats love Cake Mania</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style="text-align: left;"> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Piddlefoot loves <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://cakemaniacs.blogspot.com/">Cake Mania</a>! Piddlefoot lives and breathes </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://cakemaniacs.blogspot.com/">Cake Mania</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">! And like how dogs reflect their owners, so do cats reflect their very favourite Indie Games. So what greater tribute can there be to the deep and absorbing (dare I say it?) <span style="font-weight: bold;">King </span>of Indie Games than just quite how delightfully huggable Piddlefoot has become after playing. The picture says it all, we think… awwww, bless!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Piddlefoot rates </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://cakemaniacs.blogspot.com/">Cake Mania</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> as brilliant as he is cute. Praise indeed! Well done, </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://cakemaniacs.blogspot.com/">Cake Mania</a></span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">!<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">So there we have it! A complete run down of the finest Indie Games that we could be bothered to find out the names of, in a format to satisfy the tens of people that come to our blog via the search terms “Cute Cat”. Don’t say we never give back to the little people, or if you do say it, say it quietly so nobody can hear.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Lemmy&Binky rate this blog post 1 out of 10, must try harder.<o:p></o:p></span></p> </div></div>Captain Binkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03614852364164229487noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-23790737977291878362007-03-05T14:56:00.000+00:002007-03-05T15:11:09.730+00:00Lemmy&Binky Indieview #1 Prof. Stephen Hawking<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.isepp.org/Media/Hawking%20Images/Send%20to%20Laura/HawkHeadColor.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 140px; height: 163px;" src="http://www.isepp.org/Media/Hawking%20Images/Send%20to%20Laura/HawkHeadColor.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Welcome deer readers! (and other assorted mammals that might also happen to be reading). You are lucky enough to join us after an extended hiatus with an exciting new regular feature on the site!<br /><br />In the Lemmy&Binky Indieviews we will quiz the greatest minds of our generation on their most loved and most hated indie games, how much they like a quick game of Cake Mania before tea, and exactly how many copies of <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a> they have bought. <p>Joining us for our first Indieview is renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, who has taken some time out from his busy schedule of talking about black holes and reading Penny Arcade to join us for a chat about the indie gaming scene. What a lovely bloke!</p> <p><b>L&B: </b>Thanks for joining us Prof. Hawking! So with all your thinking about science and that, we can imagine you don't get much time for playing indie games?</p> <p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>Hi Lemmy&Binky, thanks for your recent email which you sent to <span name="st">Prof. Stephen Hawking- <span><span name="st">Stephen </span>would be happy to contribute an interview to your site but unfortunately he is away at a conference at the moment - please feel free to send your questions to me and I will ensure <span name="st">Stephen answers them when he returns. Best regards Cathy</span></span></span></p> <p><b>L&B: </b>So what do you think of <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a>? A great game, isn't it?</p> <p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>Hello Lemmy&Binky, <span> </span>I'm afraid Prof. Hawking will be away from the office until the 26<sup>th</sup> of March so it would be best if you sent us a complete copy of your questions so he can tackle them all when he returns from his trip. Best regards Cathy.</p> <p><b>L&B: </b>Well we haven't had a post on our site for a while now, and we don't really want to wait until the 26<sup>th</sup> if at all possible. Isn't there any way you could get a copy of the questions over to him?</p> <p><b><script><!-- D(["mb","Stephen Hawking: </b>I'm\nafraid he is unlikely to have the time to particapate in your interview until he\ngets back. May I ask what this interview is actually regarding? </p>\n\n<p><b>L&B: </b>the interview\nwill be mainly about the indie scene, though we will stick in a couple of\nspacey questions in there to give Prof. Hawking a chance to plug his own stuff,\nany new books he has out or whatever. Sound good?</p>\n\n<p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>I'm\nnot sure I understand what this "indie scene" is that you mention, is this\nsomething relating to Stephen's professional work at all?</p>\n\n<p><b>L&B: </b>Well not\nreally. We tried to get Peter Molyneux but he wouldn't answer our e-mails.</p>\n\n<p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>Please\nrefrain from e-mailing us any more regarding this matter. I will send Stephen a\ncopy of this email thread when he returns, and if he wishes to participate in\nan interview you will hear from him then. Regards Cathy.</p><p></p>So there you have it! When he's not he's not mulling over space-time, Prof. Hawking likes nothing more than going to conferences... of some description. He also has a PA called Cathy, though she may be his publicist. Or wife. Or something. You heard it here first, in the Lemmy&Binky Indieview! \n<br />\n",0] ); D(["ce"]); //--></script>Stephen Hawking: </b>I'm afraid he is unlikely to have the time to particapate in your interview until he gets back. May I ask what this interview is actually regarding? </p> <p><b>L&B: </b>the interview will be mainly about the indie scene, though we will stick in a couple of spacey questions in there to give Prof. Hawking a chance to plug his own stuff, any new books he has out or whatever. Sound good?</p> <p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>I'm not sure I understand what this "indie scene" is that you mention, is this something relating to Stephen's professional work at all?</p> <p><b>L&B: </b>Well not really. We tried to get Peter Molyneux but he wouldn't answer our e-mails.</p> <p><b>Stephen Hawking: </b>Please refrain from e-mailing us any more regarding this matter. I will send Stephen a copy of this email thread when he returns, and if he wishes to participate in an interview you will hear from him then. Regards Cathy.</p>So there you have it! When he's not he's not mulling over space-time, Prof. Hawking likes nothing more than going to conferences... of some description. He also has a PA called Cathy, though she may be his publicist. Or wife. Or something. You heard it here first, in the Lemmy&Binky Indieview!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1168113454161656632007-01-06T19:50:00.000+00:002007-02-02T05:30:48.548+00:00Chavs Stole Our Computer Games Shocker!Cast your mind back to that magical time in the mid to late eighties. No, I don’t mean literally, that’d be impossible, obviously.<br /><br />Okay, not in some paranormal psychic way either, that’d be silly! And no, I’m not speaking of some literal magic, as we all know magic only existed until 1892... <p class="MsoNormal">Look, do you want to hear this story or not? Geez!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Okay, so back in the late eighties... Was it the late eighties? I can’t remember.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Scratch this, let’s start again.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I was about 6 years old... Yes, this story is about me, but could easily be a story about you. (That’s a much better way to start the story. It gives us a kind of connection right off the bat—if, of course, it could be a story about you, and completely different stuff didn’t happen to you, in which case I’ve probably just smashed your suspension of disbelief) </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anyway, I remember it was a time when a little pale-skinned Lemmy would beaver away on his Sinclair Spectrum day and night. Gauntlet? Remember that? Saboteur. That was ace. Etc. See? I’m getting all nostalgic now!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now the thing is, back then it was generally seen as some gross abnormality for a kid to spend more time prodding at rubber keys and making little arrangements out of those little moisture absorbing packets of granules atop their black and white TV to try and get the fucking vertical hold to sort its life out, than to go out in the sunshine and poke at dog crap with a stick. To put it simply, I was a bit of a geek.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, why isn’t playing computer games cool?!” I used to cry in vain as I tried to negotiate my little frog across a busy road. “Why does it seem like I am one of the only people in the world who likes computer games?” I cursed as I tried to negotiate Horace across a busy road.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s at this point, if this story was ever filmed, that we would probably do some swanky swish cut to the modern day, and the viewer would probably see some underlying symbolism or subtext, or maybe it would be printed on the screen Frasier style if it were written in American, I don’t know. And that is this (the subtext, that is): <b style="">Careful what you wish for.</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And now we’re at the nub of the matter. No, a Chav didn’t literally break into my house in the middle of the night and lift my copy of Fallout 2 to afford some smack, but he might as well have done.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">See, when games were primarily targeted at pasty-faced geeks, I kinda liked a lot of them. But something terrible has happened in the past decade or so. We geeks have been supplanted as the main target audience of computer games (I mean VIDEO games right?) instead being offered interactive entertainment treats such as <i style="">Shooty Shooty Kill Kill 6</i> and <i style="">Quest for the Kill Your Face In With a Gun: Part Deux</i>. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">If it were just the violent angle that wouldn’t be too bad, but please don’t piss about with the actual gameplay! It was fine how it was! Not content with beating us up for liking nerdy games when we were kids, Charvers have now got a step further and muscled in on our guilty pastime, leaving us with the straggler <st1:metricconverter productid="1 in" st="on">1 in</st1:metricconverter> 20 titles that actually appeal to us! Bastards!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What started me off this rant? A few things actually, the first main offender I remember being an awesmoe game on my Amiga called...</p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> UFO: Enemy Unknown</span><br />(or XCOM: UFO Defence)</p><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.ibiblio.org/GameBytes/issue19/greviews/ufo2.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.ibiblio.org/GameBytes/issue19/greviews/ufo2.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Yeah, so they're all blond. Who cares?<br /><br /></span></div>Turn based squad tactics, and it was totally ace. <p class="MsoNormal">The decline of the XCOM franchise cannot be described with words, and the only possible way to get the this tragic fall from grace across aptly is with the Britnometer system shown below:</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:394.5pt;" ole=""> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\main\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.emf" title=""> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="f"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5400/648/1600/264197/XCOM.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5400/648/400/567525/XCOM.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:oleobject type="Embed" progid="Photoshop.Image.6" shapeid="_x0000_i1025" drawaspect="Content" objectid="_1229618187"> <o:wordfieldcodes>\s</o:WordFieldCodes> </o:OLEObject> </xml><![endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yup. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">What happened then? Some publisher guy sat in a board room somewhere said something to the effect of: “XCOM was great! Really great. Except, why can’t all the little people run around AT THE SAME TIME?” You bloody Fraggle, look what you’ve done! <span style=""> </span>That’s one of the main reasons it WAS great!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, it’s not his fault, really. He wants money in his pocket, he wants huge profits, as they always have. Sad fact is that the original fans of the original XCOM game are outnumbered to Chavs by like 10 to 1. He’s going after the biggest demographic. And the biggest demographic want “everything to move at once”, so that’s what they get! </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Of course it sucked, but we could have told him that. Probably made more money though!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Next came, perhaps the greatest game I’ve ever played in my life. Quite a contemporary title that made me stand up and go “the game industry may not be irrevocably stuffed after all!” – The legendary <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind</span>!</p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.bethsoft.com/images/games/gamescrn_morrowind_02-B.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.bethsoft.com/images/games/gamescrn_morrowind_02-B.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I won’t go into all the details of why Morrowind is not only the best RPG game ever, but in my opinion the best game ever, but rest assured it is, as ruled by the Grand Council of Correctness in Geneva for 5 years running. It has its faults, sure, some glaring ones. But the good bits are so good that the problems seem completely inconsequential, and do in fact seem like unavoidable side-effects that come with making such an ambitious and immense game. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The Elder Scrolls series just get BETTER AND BETTER! What could be next?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion</p><p class="MsoNormal">...that’s what.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Okay, I won’t be too harsh on Oblivion, as it was actually a pretty damn good game, in its own right. But the problem is they catered for the mainstream again. No Chav’s gonna play Morrowind, that’s for darn sure! It addressed all the problems in Morrowind, at the cost of 90% of what made Morrowind good in the first place!!! Oblivion is a fraction of the size of Morrowind due to the now commercially compulsory recorded speech instead of written text. All RPG dice rolls have been removed from the system in favour of FPS style combat. A Chav doesn’t want to swing at a rat and miss, regardless of how shit he is with a sword. The list goes on. I’ll leave Oblivion there though as I’m coming to the game that sent me into this psychopathic rant:</p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Fallout Tactics</b></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.google.co.uk/url?q=http://www.armchairempire.com/images/Reviews/pc/fallout-tactics/fallout_tactics-c.jpg&usg=__BfIWttQi2TEB4THvyYByQo33fDU="><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://images.google.co.uk/url?q=http://www.armchairempire.com/images/Reviews/pc/fallout-tactics/fallout_tactics-c.jpg&usg=__BfIWttQi2TEB4THvyYByQo33fDU=" alt="" border="0" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style: italic;">Could have been great!</span><br /><b style=""><o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Fallout 1 and 2 were awesome. I am, if you hadn’t guessed already, a big fan of turn-based strategy games. I like real-time stuff too, I do like some FPS games, platformers, fighting games, and of course adventure games, but there’s something really cool for me about games where it’s not about how fast you can click, how well you know hotkeys, or how quick your reactions are (not to mention the fact that I’m allergic to adrenaline). I like games where it’s all about<b style=""> what you do, </b>not how fast you can do it, or how well you’ve developed complimentary automatic muscular responses by playing it for 200+ hours.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The Fallout battle system is like UFO x 10. It’s great fun! Imagine the horror when it transpired that Fallout Tactics had become... wait for it... REAL-TIME!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:394.5pt;height:157.5pt'" ole=""> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\main\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image003.emf" title=""> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5400/648/1600/939941/Fallout.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5400/648/400/454944/Fallout.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:oleobject type="Embed" progid="Photoshop.Image.6" shapeid="_x0000_i1026" drawaspect="Content" objectid="_1229618188"> <o:wordfieldcodes>\s</o:WordFieldCodes> </o:OLEObject> </xml><![endif]--></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;" align="center">Beep beep! The Britnometer’s going crazy on this one!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Okay, so Fallout Tactics has been out a few years, so I’m kind of late on this rant. I’d already written off the single player years ago on account of it not really being the RPG Fallout 1 or 2 were.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Since then, it has been gathering dust at my parent’s house, but now I’m all internetted up, I saw it on a shelf and I thought I’d bring it home and give it a crack online. Fallout multiplayer?? Must be good, right? Wrong!<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To be fair, unlike the evil XCOM people, they have kept in the turn-based option for all those <b style="">fan’s of the actual series. </b><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">The problem is that again, for every fan of the original Fallout games, there are ten Chavs finishing GTA San Andreas and wondering what they should play next. Guess what? Pretty much EVERYONE who plays online all play in real-time, which pretty much means having a bunch of characters running about like nutters on speed dying horribly every five seconds. It’s been turned into Quake! <span style=""> </span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Fallout TACTICS you say?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s coming up to my third day of trying to find someone to play turn-based with online, and still to no avail. Gutted. I did have a brief play when a mate visited, turn-based naturally, as he is of a similar mind as myself. It was frickin’ awesmoe! Well done 14 Degrees East. But why couldn’t you have had the bottle just to stick to that? Money. Target Demographics. Chavhandling. That’s what.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Don't get me started on that other Fallout game...<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So who do I really blame for all this? At the end of the day?<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sony. </span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">They created the “Playstation generation” and done gone buggered it all up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Boo!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1163767322814623152006-11-20T16:00:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:00:48.998+00:00So you want to be an Indie Developer?<span style="">So, you always wanted to make games for a living, right? Well now is your chance, as Lemmy&Binky offer you a one-stop guide that will get you making games quicker than [look up speed-related pop culture reference].<o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So without further ado, let us take you on a journey! A mysterious journey filled with excitement and wonder. A magical ride, where the only limits are... Sorry, what we meant to say was...<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So without further ado--</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Financial Support</span></span><br /><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Okay, so first things first. Your IGF winning indie game is not even going to get made if you’re out on the streets dining out of rubbish bins, is it? You’re going to need to be able to financially support yourself for maybe a year (possibly even two) whilst you make your game. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">This is why most indie game developers tend to sell drugs and weapons to support development of their games (<st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Libya</st1:place></st1:country-region> is a good place to start with this). <span style=""> </span>Some indie developers also like to dabble in sex trafficking, though many feel it too time-consuming. We strongly recommend you buy a copy of <span style="font-style: italic;">Dave Perry</span>’s excellent bible on the subject of funding game development, <span style="font-style: italic;">“Sex, Drugs and AK47s”</span>, which is available on Amazon and in all good book stores.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Quest for the Indie Stone</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Before you start developing your indie game, you need to be in possession of one of the ancient Indie Stones. There are only known to be 12 of these in the world, which is the main reason the indie game industry is much smaller than the commercial game industry (the commercial games industry does not require mystical stones of any kind--just the tears of a disappointed child) <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Of course, to obtain one, this means you will have to take an Indie Stone from another indie game developer. This is the only situation where indie game developers are permitted to kill each other.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/1600/IndieStone.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/320/IndieStone.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">One of the mystical Indie Stones</span></span><br /><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Protection</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Now you’re in possession of an Indie Stone, you are a bonafide indie developer! Congratulations! This does however mean that you are certain to be getting a knock at the door from a slightly threatening man called <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Don Marshall</a>. He will ask you if you want “protection”. Say yes! It’s just how things work on the indie game scene, so get used to it! We all have! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Design</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">This is where your creativity can go wild! Just jot down details of how your game will work, perhaps on the back of a used bus ticket or something. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Things to think about: How many same colour blocks have to be adjacent to “match them”? <i style="">Write it down.</i> How many different coloured blocks ARE there? <i style="">Write it down.</i> How fast will the blocks fall? <i style="">Write it down. </i>Are there going to be special “power blocks” that destroy all connecting blocks of the same colour? <i style="">Write it down.<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Done? Good!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Uh-oh, now the tricky bit. You need to actually make the game! Where the hell do you start!?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Development</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Remember the fabled stone that you bloodied your Indie Knife to retrieve? Yes? Well, this is where it does its magic.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Now, first off, you need a <b style="">hat</b>. A top hat is considered the industry standard, but trilbies work just as well. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Start by turning the lights off in your computer room. Then, making sure you are in a comfortable typing position with the hat rested on your lap, put the Indie Stone into the hat, along with your written design. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Now you need to <b style="">put your head into the hat</b>. The mystical light that emits from the Indie Stone will transform the written words on your design into a strange code. You need to copy this code by typing it into a Word document on your PC. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Yes, you read that last bit right... <b style="">you need to do this whilst your head is in the hat. <o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">We’re sure you’ve heard that game development is hard, and this is why! This is called “coding”.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">It is crucially important that no light from your monitor gets into the hat, otherwise it could interfere with the code that the Indie Stone projects. Light getting into the Indie Hat is the main cause of bugs in indie games (other offenders being bad handwriting, or using a baseball cap instead of a proper hat)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Once you’ve written all the code into the Word document, you need to email it to Bill Gates, who will “compile” it and send you back a working executable of your game! Hurray!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Testing</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Testing is not very important. After all, come on! It’s <b style="">only</b> an indie game. Chill out! Geez!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Permission Granted</span><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Awesmoe! Your game is finished! Congratulations!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">But wait! Don’t go releasing it just yet! There’s something extremely important you have to do first, and that is... Ask for permission from George Lucas.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Yes, it’s true. George Lucas owns the copyright for any indie game that has ever been, or ever will be, produced. If you release an indie game without his expressed permission, then his lawyers will come down on you like a pack of wild dogs. Whilst we’re on the subject, it’s probably a good idea to call him rather than make a house visit, otherwise he’s likely to release his pack of wild dogs on you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Reviews</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">There is an age old ritual between indie developers and indie game web journalists that all successful indie developers adhere to. It is somewhat time consuming and can be expensive, but is a sure-fire way to ensure your game gets positive coverage across the internet. You must make the <i style="">Indie Developer Pilgrimage</i>.</span><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Indie Developer Pilgrimage</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">The Indie Developer Pilgrimage has been made countless times by thousands of veteran indie game developers over the years, and is seen very much as a rite of passage for those who have never made the journey. The pilgrimage begins at London, England, before travelling over the Atlantic to New York, then up into Ottawa in Canada, followed by a journey back over the border and to the west coast of the US, the long trek across the Pacific to Tokyo, Japan, finally arriving back at London for a pint of Worthington’s and a game of Click the Spot. This epic journey can be seen below:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/1600/worldmap.0.gif"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/400/worldmap.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: left;"> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So what is the purpose of this trek? It’s not for the sightseeing, that’s for sure! Just part of the dance between the indie developer and their most venomous of foes, the know-it-all indie game web journalist.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">In order to secure at the very least a 50% review score, the indie game developer must perform a series of intricate gestures in public at each city visited in the pilgrimage, hoping to attract the attention of any indie game journalists in the area. The dance must be exact, otherwise the indie game blogger will lose interest immediately, and will continue on their perpetual hunt for Jack Thompson news stories and Wii jokes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">We’ve not got the time, space nor the inclination to detail each of these moves in this guide, but the entertaining and highly informative DVD series “Bustin’ 10/10 Indie Moves”, by successful indie developer <a href="http://cliffski.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cliff Harris</span></a>, will steer you clear of all those stumbles and faux-pas gyrations that would otherwise see your indie game smashed with 6% right across the interweb.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">You might also be wondering why the pilgrimage only includes <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">England</st1:place></st1:country-region>, US, <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region>. This is mainly because indie game reviewers do not exist in any other country.</span></p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Negotations</span><br /></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So, you’ve managed to attract the attention of a mischievous internet opinion-smith? Now it’s time to negotiate your score!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">First, you need to write down your ideal review score, along with the number of a nearby pay-phone, onto the inside of a Twix wrapper and drop it nonchalantly into a tramp’s cup. It is a little known fact that 93% of homeless people are in the service of indie bloggers, and will immediately take your desired score to them.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Next, you must wait by the designated phone until it rings. <b style="">DO NOT ANSWER IT</b>. You must count the number of times it rings. This is the review score the indie word-peddler is wanting to award your efforts.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Once the phone has stopped ringing, if you are not happy with the score proposed, you have the opportunity to contest that score. Stand outside the phone-box and perform the correct gesture (the blogger is sure to be watching) and within a few seconds the phone will ring again. This time you are allowed to answer it. Now you are given 10 seconds <span style=""> </span>(no more) to blurt out your arguments as to why your game deserves a higher score. It is a good idea to rehearse this in advance, as you only get one shot at it.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">So that’s it! You’re now an experienced indie developer making a shed load of cash! Well done!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">A few final pointers to help you on your way:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <ul><li><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">As an indie developer you will now have developed an acute allergy to wasp stings. Avoid at all costs!</span><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span></li><li><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">Mahjongg and tits. Don’t break with tradition.</span><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span></li><li><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">Giving your game a crap title will make it endearing – preferably something juvenile (like Shlongg?)</span><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span></li><li><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="">Games with the word “Mania” after them sell approximately 43.5% more copies. This effect can be doubled by adding the word “Xtreme”.</span><span style=""><span style=""><span style=""></span></span></span></li><li><!--[endif]--><span style="">Screen* pScreen;</span></li></ul><p class="MsoNormal"></p></div></div>This article was part of the "So You Want To be An Indie Developer?" combine. For other "So You Want To Be An Indie Developer?" opinion and hintery, click one of these lovely links below:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage.co.uk</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/2006/11/so-you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html">http://www.gibbage.co.uk/2006/11/so- you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://cliffski.blogspot.com/">Cliffski's Mumblings</a> :-<br /><a href="http://cliffski.blogspot.com/2006/11/so-you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html"> http://cliffski.blogspot.com/2006/11/so-you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.gameproducer.net/">GameProducer.net</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.gameproducer.net/2006/11/20/so-you-want-to-be-an-indie-developer/">http://www.gameproducer.net/2006/11/20/so-you-want-to-be-an-indie-developer/</a><br /><br /><a href="http://sharpfish.realityfakers.com/">Reality Fakers</a> :-<br /><a href="http://sharpfish.realityfakers.com/?p=103">http://sharpfish.realityfakers.com/?p=103</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.zoombapup.com/">Zoombapup</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.zoombapup.com/2006/11/so-you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html">http://www.zoombapup.com/2006/11/so-you-want-to-be-indie-developer.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.bonebroke.com/">BoneBroke</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.bonebroke.com/blog/index.php/2006/11/20/so-you-want-to-be-an-indie-developer/">http://www.bonebroke.com/blog/index.php/2006/11/20/so-you-want-to-be-an-indie-developer/</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.introversion.co.uk/">Introversion</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.introversion.co.uk/news/index.php">http://www.introversion.co.uk/news/index.php</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.tcfh.com/news.html">They Came from Hollywood</a> :-<br /><a href="http://www.tcfh.com/news.html">http://www.tcfh.com/news.html</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1163100363433485322006-11-09T19:13:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:02:05.842+00:00New Web Comic: Notfunny & Shit StixPenny Arcade, VG Cats, Dinosaur Comic with the alarmingly high Google Rank... eat your hearts out. There was once a time, a dark time full of fear and probably some pestilence too, when Joe LinkClicker would have been forced to read your puny attempts at online comedy. Yes, this was a time <span style="font-weight: bold;">before</span> Lemmy&Binky entered the world of web comicatry and anecdotal satirification.<br /><br />Brace yourselves, for you will weep at its beauty:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><img src="http://www.cgempire.com/forgottenelement/lemmyandbinky/Comic/Issue1.jpg" /><br /></div>Captain Binkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03614852364164229487noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1162258489689561212006-10-31T00:41:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:01:17.204+00:00America: It's not big, not funny and not clever!<span style="font-size:100%;">Boo hoo! It's happened again! Those irony-lovin' Americans failed to buy into the Click the Spot mania that's sweeping the globe. WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT? IT'S BRILLIANT, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://jeremayakovka.typepad.com/jeremayakovka/images/winston_churchill_victory_1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 261px; height: 246px;" src="http://jeremayakovka.typepad.com/jeremayakovka/images/winston_churchill_victory_1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"Fuck you America!!!"</span><br /></div><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />Click the Spot has been <a href="http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/346973">blammed</a>! Within 10 minutes of posting on Newgrounds, it's been sodding blammed! Our masterpiece, our life's work, discarded like some piece of rubbish (or "trash", as THEY would probably call it)<br /><br />Apparently Click the Spot, and I quote, "sucks!" and "doesn't even deserve the small amount of data it takes up on the entire internet!" - HOW CAN THAT BE TRUE? The game that was voted #37 on the BAFTA nominated BBC series "Top 100 Most Awesmoe Games EVAH!". BAH!<br /><br />If you are one of the miniscule proportion of the population over the big pond - Read Canadian, South American, or otherwise extremely unfortunate and miserable, that is able to appreciate the concept of irony or satire, then please please get in touch and tell us about your feeling of isolation on that big ol' continent.<br /><br />Bah! We shoulda just done something about Steve Irwin.<br /><br />(incidently we think Steve Irwin was great)<br /><br />We'll give you another chance to play this world changing game, but please go through the following checklist to make sure you do not agree with any of the points before doing so, or you may be sadly disappointed by the shear awesmoeness of Click the Spot.<br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:100%;">Homer going "Doh!" is pretty much the funniest thing about the <span style="font-style: italic;">Simpsons</span>!</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Family Guy </span>is funny!</li><li>How about that <span style="font-style: italic;">American Psycho </span>book huh? What a load of racist, mysoginistic, vile trash!</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Seinfeld </span>is so much better than <span style="font-style: italic;">Curb Your Enthusiasm</span>!</li><li>The American version of <span style="font-style: italic;">The Office </span>was a hoot!</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Taken </span>is much better than <span style="font-style: italic;">The 4400</span>!</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">South Park</span> is just shit potty humour!</li><li>24 is NOT propaganda.</li><li>Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.</li><li>I have absolutely no idea why everyone hates America.</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Futurama</span> was rubbish and deserved to be canned.</li><li><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Carnivale </span>was rubbish and deserved to be canned.</span></li><li>Boy, those Holodeck episodes are great!</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" >Gaius Baltar</span> is a <span style="font-style: italic;">Cylon</span>.</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Adama </span>is a <span style="font-style: italic;">Cylon</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">George W. Bush </span>is not a <span style="font-style: italic;">Cylon</span>.</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Arnie </span>and <span style="font-style: italic;">Jessie Ventura </span>governing states bigger than some countries is not completely INSANE.</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Rob Schnieder </span>should be in more films.</li><li>12 <span style="font-style: italic;">Lost </span>series? Bring it on!</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Third Rock from the Sun</span> - Witty AND intelligent.</li><li>Alexander the Great was Irish.</li><li>Free Speech is <span style="font-style: italic;">not </span>a fallacy.</li><li>Budweiser is the king of beers</li><li>John Wayne is NOT gay.<br /></li></ul><span style="font-size:100%;">Did you agree with any of these statements? Beware! Check your birth certificate. You MAY be American.<br /><br />If not, then congratulations. You're ready for the AWESOME AUDIO VISUAL FEST that is... <a href="http://lemmyandbinky.blogspot.com/2006/08/new-game-we-will-not-be-deterred.html">Click the Spot</a>!<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1161544799124272112006-10-22T19:11:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:02:25.877+00:00Lemmy&Binky's Guide To Game Design<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1033/3485/1600/Rock.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; width: 175px; cursor: pointer; height: 262px;" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1033/3485/320/Rock.jpg" border="0" /></a>Every great game is built using Metaphor. Now Metaphor isn’t some programming language or document editor - I've only capitalised it because it’s Really Important. Like that bit. See? Good. Now our Metaphor should be Solid and Hard. Let’s pick an example.<br /><br />How about pickle as in, "in this game the player gets in a bit of a pickle". Now you might be thinking that this is a great Metaphor because it implies that your game’s got great puzzles – pickle is after all made out of a <span style="font-style: italic;">combination</span> (that means mix) of ingredients. And you <span style="font-style: italic;">combine </span>things in some puzzle games. Also, pickle is quite tasty and you might want your game’s <span style="font-style: italic;">protagonist </span>(that means player character) to be some tasty bird.<br /><br />But no! Pickle is no good because pickle is squishy and not Solid and Hard. We need something that really screams Solid and Hard (that isn’t rude), and I can think of only one thing – a Rock. As in Solid as a Rock! Rock Hard! Rockefeller! Rock on, dude! Rocky IV! Baroque! Perfect!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to conceptualize an award winning game</span><br /><br />Every planet has a Rock at its core. Every game has a nugget of what it is, and that is the concept. The conceptualization of the game is the stage where you decide what is in the game. Conceptualization is really important.<br /><br />Some great concepts include ones where the player has to do really cool things, like save the world or destroy something, or rescue a princess. A concept can also be something that is different about the game. It could involve no shooting, for example. Or it could involve shooting different things (like aliens, or innocent people)<br /><br />Anyway, as you can see, ideas spray from my brain like a geyser of genius, but that is to be expected. For you this process may be hard. But do not despair, because a Rock is fashioned from smaller Rocks – for even the ant that stands on the pebble stands taller than the smaller ant, in the mud beside the pebble. I think that is the best way to express what I mean.<br /><br />So, as you can see, conceptualizing is Very Important.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to construct an exciting and absorbent narrative<br /><br /></span>Narrative is very important. A litre of water can be displaced by a Rock. And that Rock is the Narrative, in a bucket of Story.<br /><br />The narrative is what happens in the story, and how the game happens to the player as they are playing the game. A narrative requires a narrator, and that narrator is you, and you must narrate to the player the story in the form of a narrative. This is what a narrative is.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Always start your narrative with a cut-scene!</span><br /><br />This cut-scene should be long and impressive. Now, some gamers are lazy gamers, and they just want to get to the game-play as quickly as possible. Of course, we know that the narrative is Very Important, so it is crucial that you make sure this cut-scene is compulsory. A good way to do this is to <span style="font-style: italic;">disable</span> the joy-pad (this is programming speak for making the joy-pad not work)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gamers get tired hands</span><br /><br />It is important to interrupt game-play frequently to give the player’s hands a rest. Adding numerous non-story related cut-scenes, a great example of which is the brilliant Resident Evil series and it’s fondly remembered opening door animations, which were actually not related to load times, but a genius bit of game design to rest gamers’ hands. You can use similar devices like overly complex “picking item up off floor” sequences, or blissfully long death animations.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Story drives game-play, not the other way around!</span><br /><br />A car cannot be driven without a driver. That driver must be the story pushing the pedal of narrative. It is important that what happens in your story happens, whether the player likes it or not. It doesn’t matter if the player isn’t having fun right away, if it’s important to the story then put it in, because there’ll be plenty of time for fun later on.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Adding the plot twist</span><br /><br />You must have a plot twist because it makes your story sound clever. A good way to add a plot twist is to make one of the characters a bad guy, even though you thought they were a good guy (like in Star Wars). This is a great example of a plot twist. Market Research scientifically shows that this plot twist will do, so just use that one. Also, make sure that this plot-twist is explained in full on the back of the box, to show the gamers that they are buying a clever game.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Think big (like a Rock, a big Rock)</span><br /><br />Some small and boring game is not going to get to #1. Gamers are hungry for bigness, and only bigness will do. For example, it is generally seen as a bit of an embarrassment in the upper echelons of the game industry to release a game that fits on a single DVD (or perish the thought, a CD), so make sure your cut-scenes are high definition FMV that would make Peter Jackson bluish. Your story deserves it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ending on perfection<br /><br /></span>Spending time on the ending is not as important as the beginning, as only a few gamers will get to it. Junior designers or placement students would be ideal for this task, so you can spend your time making that all important intro! Remember to get your name first on the credits, and that the credits are accessible from the main menu (or better still compulsory at the start of the game). Remember whose hard work this game is down to. (Yours… and mine)<br /><br />So there we go. Rock Solid game design in a nutshell. No not a nutshell actually, a Rock Holder. But a small Rock Holder that’s portable and fits into a pocket or something.<br /><br />P.S. Buy <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a> by Don MartianCaptain Binkyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03614852364164229487noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1161519033897038622006-10-22T11:56:00.001+00:002007-01-07T19:06:01.952+00:00Lemmy&Binky's Guide To Screenwriting<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">In a bold and unprecedented move, Lemmy&Binky are going to take some time out from the rollercoaster world of games for this post. So what are we going to learn about instead?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Screenwriting</span>.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Yes, after reading this short guide, you will be belting out blockbuster movies in days. And that's a guarantee! (though not the legally binding type of guarantee) <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">I must stress at this point that even if my excellent examples suggest otherwise, I am not a successful scriptwriter, and in fact have not had any work published, nor read by any agent or producer, or any other person in the movie industry. But I have wrote many great movie scripts, both of which were finished to a high quality and read by over two people, only one of which was my mother. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">So without further ado, let the learning begin! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><b>Story </b><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">The first step to creating a script that will sell is considering what the story is going to be about. Things with bombs in (or guns perhaps?) are always popular. Love stories are good too. Stick some guns and bombs in and you're golden. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">They say there are only seven basic stories, but I have discovered several more. What follows is the absolute definitive list of story plots in the world of literature: <o:p></o:p></p><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Someone is going to blow something up, someone stops them using guns and string vest. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Someone falls in love with another person, they have a slight sad bit, followed by a happy bit. This happy bit is the end. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">There is something that happens, but you see after it happened first. Then actually see it happen -- but in little bits. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Someone thinks something, then thinks something different after some things happen to them. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Some things happen and almost everyone in the world dies except the hero, hero's family, hero's dog. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Some people go somewhere because something might be wrong. Something is wrong. Everyone dies except those who escape. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Someone is a bachelor, but then acquire a child somehow and is forced to look after it. Eventually learns about kids. <o:p></o:p></li></ul><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Hmmm actually, after counting, I guess they were right. There are only seven basic plots. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">The best way to make an interesting plot is to take something normal, and put a comic twist on it. The twist could be somehow ironic (Americans: "crazy switch around funny"), like a man with no arms that enters a boxing competition, or a US President is elected that can't read, has lots of comedic misunderstandings due to his illiteracy, and then accidentally starts a war. It doesn't have to be completely plausible, it just has to get your attention. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">So you've got your basic idea. Now you need to turn that into a pitch of a few sentences in length that captures the essence of your movie story. Here are a few examples: <o:p></o:p></p><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">A father must rescue his kids from a one-armed terrorist who is also a ninja, but things go from bad to worse when his mind is switched with the family dog by a voodoo priest. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Shelly Metcalfe is a sweet girl living in LA, and has everything going for her. Until one day her life is turned upside down when her feet are transformed into two crazy yet charismatic aliens by a voodoo priest. <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Sheriff Smith has his work cut out for him. A new cowboy rolls into town who is actually a cowgirl, and the Sheriff falls for her, but things get complicated when she is wanted for the murder of a local voodoo priest. The sheriff must decide between a life on the wrong side of the law, or shooting her with a big gun. <o:p></o:p></li></ul><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">There you go, simple as that. You can almost see them on the silver screen, can't you? Feel free to use any of these great ideas as you see fit. I have loads. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Words</span> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Writing the words is one of the hardest parts of scriptwriting. It is at its easiest if you can read and write. If you're reading this now, then well done! You're already 50% of the way there. If you can write also (try this now on any handy writing surface), then you have everything you need to start. If you are unable to either read or write, then I suggest you learn to do so before continuing this guide. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Royal "We"</span> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">It is important not to say "we" when writing scripts, as it destroys the illusion that the script is really happening when it is being read, or something. I can't actually remember the reason, but it's very, very important, trust me. See the following example: <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">"We see a man wearing shorts."<br /><br />"A man wears some shorts." <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Which of the above lines made you imagine a man wearing shorts the most? The top one? I think not! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">So what if the word "we" is needed for a line of dialogue? Simple, just exchange it for the words "the people present". e.g. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">TOM </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">We must stop him before it’s too late!</span><o:p></o:p></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">or... <o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">TOM </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">The people present must stop him before it’s too late!</span><o:p></o:p></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Easy. Remember... if you say "we", anyone reading your script will instantly think it's crap, and that you are an idiot. Just don't do it, okay?! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">No cameras in your script</span> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Don't feature any cameras in your script. It is the director's job to decide if cameras should feature in a screenplay, not yours. You can always substitute them with a mobile phone, or a magnifying glass, or something. If the director feels its important to the story, he will put the camera back in upon filming. Remember, it's a director's medium. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dialogue</span> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Writing dialogue is tough stuff. You need to be acutely aware of how people speak. For example, people tend to have pauses when they speak, and say things in funny accents and that. This is what makes dialogue hard. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">To make good dialogue, you have to make sure the "flow" is right. This means that the words "flow" out at the right pace, and don't sound clunky and stupid. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Also, unless the character is meant to prattle on, say everything in as few words as possible.. e.g.<br /><o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">MIKE </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Hello, my name is Mike. I work </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">in a fire station. One might </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">assume that I am a fireman </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">by trade, and one would </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">assume correctly.</span> <o:p></o:p></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Yuck. Terrible... too much information, my friend! You ever heard anyone talk like that? No, me neither. Armed with a Dictaphone, take a walk to a fire station. It'll be worth the trip. I tried that and got some valuable insights. Here's what I ended up with: <o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">MIKE</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Hey, I'm Fireman Mike!</span> <o:p></o:p></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">See? Short and sweet. It gets all necessary information across to the reader in the smallest time possible. His name is Mike. He's a fireman. He's friendly. He's in a fire station, probably. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Exposition </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Exposition is where the plot is revealed to the person reading the script, or watching the movie. Bad exposition is obvious exposition. How many times have we all seen this before? <o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">JIM<br />My God, the entire world is being overrun with jam! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">BOB<br />But if that happens, won't the ancient Greek puzzle become unlocked and unleash the evil legions of Hades... upon Greece? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">JIM<br />It sure will, Bob. There are three keys that must be found before we can lock the puzzle and bury it forever, or at least until it is dug up again in the sequel.<br /><br />BOB<br />Will there be traps and snakes and stuff? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">JIM<br />You can count on it.<o:p></o:p></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Terrible stuff! Forgive me, but I wrote this clunky dialogue to illustrate a point, and my dialogue is usually top notch stuff. The problem with this dialogue is it is what is known in the industry as "on the nose". People don't queue up at the cinema to be told a bunch of stuff, they queue up to buy a ticket to get <i>into</i> the cinema. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Do you see the point I'm making here? I'm not quite sure myself, but I'll say this: If you're going to have interesting things happen, then it is important to get it happening on the screen, otherwise the special effects departments will have sod all to do. The above example could be tackled as follows: <o:p></o:p></p><div align="center"><table class="MsoNormalTable" style="width: 71%;" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="71%"><tbody><tr><td style="padding: 0cm; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">EXT. GRAND CANYON - DAY <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Jam oozes through the canyon. Two old men with few teeth observe. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">MAN 1<br />Will this jam ever be stopped? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">MAN 2<br />I don't know... I just don't know. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">INT. GREEK TEMPLE - DAY <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">The Greek puzzle begins to glow as jam seeps over it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">INT. HADES - DAY <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;font-family:courier new;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">A demon is laughing manically. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; line-height: normal;" align="left"><span style="font-family:courier new;">DEMON<br />Hahaha! I'm free!!!<br />Free to attack ... Greece! <o:p></o:p></span></p></td></tr></tbody></table></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Point made, I think. And how! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Formatting </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Oh dear, now the boring bit. I'll keep this short, but basically if you're looking to submit your script to someone in the biz, then it's a good idea to make it professional. Don't be slapping any weird fonts in, or pictures of your family. Unless of course the movie is about your family, or weird fonts. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">It should be in that typewriter font. The one off of Murder She Wrote. Only smaller than it appears on screen (unless you own a small TV). All studio execs are huge Angela Lansbury fans, perhaps finding her erotic despite her seasoned age, I have no idea, but whatever the reason they never tire of reading in that font. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Also, make sure that there are lots of white bits down the sides. This is called "white space", and gives people reading the script somewhere to grip without getting inky fingers. And inky fingered execs mean no sale for you, sunshine! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">For a front cover, why not go wild and fake a DVD cover for your movie? Maybe with photoshopped heads of your prospective cast? Studio exec fellows will eat that shit right up, surely? <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Marketing </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">Marketing your script is the easiest bit. You've just got to mail it to a bunch of agents, and then get them to sell it for loads of cash. If your script is as great as it should be after reading this guide, then offers will be rolling in. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">And there you have it. Any questions? Just get in touch and answers be yours! (possibly)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br /><o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1161181848994657702006-10-18T14:25:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:02:58.463+00:00Industry Top Facts: Shigeru Miyamoto<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://money.cnn.com/2006/05/24/commentary/game_over/column_gaming/miyamoto_220.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; width: 200px; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="http://money.cnn.com/2006/05/24/commentary/game_over/column_gaming/miyamoto_220.jpg" border="0" /></a>It's time for another edition of Industry Top Facts. This time we will be learning lots of interesting, and definitely true, tidbits about Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto!<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />1</span>. Although most famous for coming up with Mario, Miyamoto was also responsible for inventing the postage stamp, Tuesday afternoons, and more crucially the Curley Wurley.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2</span>. The main characters in Mario Bros were originally intended to be Russian gynaecologists, until Miyamoto came onto the project and insisted that Italian plumbers would be much more believable.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3</span>. When demoing the Wii to top Nintendo execs, Miyamoto managed to sell the idea of the revolutionary control device by showing them a tech demo that involved poking a monkey out of a tree with a long stick.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span>. The world and events portrayed in Legend of Zelda are based upon a true story.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5</span>. Miyamoto is a huge fan of <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a>, claiming it is much better than any game he’s ever come up with. He also refutes any claims that he has received any death threats through the post from <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a> creator Don Marshall.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6</span>. Miyamoto once wore a red plumber’s hat for 10 years straight for charity, but unfortunately he forgot to tell anyone; including the charity.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7</span>. Miyamoto was once arrested for head-butting a shop proprietor’s block in downtown Tokyo.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8</span>. The risqué comments Mario makes about the origins of Princess Peach’s name were removed from the US release of Super Mario Bros.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1160314633572950282006-10-08T13:28:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:03:13.439+00:00Gibbage ReviewWe thought we had better cement our place as the official place for really good reviews of games written in a witty way but also being really informative whilst writing in an extremely good style and that. For our first review will be <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage </a>by Don Marshall.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.arcadetown.com/gp/cakemania_lrg1.jpg"><img style="width: 320px; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="http://www.arcadetown.com/gp/cakemania_lrg1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Graphics </span><br />Not much can be said about the graphics in Gibbage.<br /><br />10/10<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gameplay</span><br />There is some gameplay involved in Gibbage. This is mostly carried out through a keyboard.<br /><br />10/10<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lastability</span><br />We soak-tested Gibbage on our PC for 20 days straight. It seemed to be lasting perfectly well, though we weren't playing it at the time (it was too dull)<br /><br />10/10<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Overall<br /></span>On the while we found Gibbage to be an extremely fun and worthwhile experience. We did however feel the crack was not easy enough to find and apply, and involved too much fiddling with renaming filenames.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>30/10<br /><br />300%Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1155818715345975692006-08-17T12:43:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:05:30.529+00:00FAO: George Lucas - Get your grubby mits off Red Dwarf!!Since this is a day for airing great travesties, here is perhaps the most dreadful thing that has been carried out by the mind of man since… well, since that really bad thing that happened a while back (you know, that really bad one) This story of debauchery began when my old and dear friend Mr. VHS departed this mortal coil a few months back, leaving us without all our dear beloved TV shows and such to give us an excuse not to work on Forgotten Element (and we’d never download anything ‘cause we’re nice like that)<br /><br />So I was walking around the DVD section in [insert believable shop name here] the other day when some lovely DVD boxes came into view. Red Dwarf! Oh how we’ve missed thee!<br /><br />Without a moments hesitation we snaffled up all six series (because, of course, there were only EVER six series of Red Dwarf. That’s the truth, and anyone who says otherwise better carry a knife, that’s all I’m saying)<br /><br />Like little kids at Christmas (little kids on speed, after eating all their fizzy Christmas sweets, in fact) we rushed back to the Fortress of Destruction… Did I say Fortress of Destruction? I do of course mean the flat. We slid the first disc into my unmodded XBox, and eagerly flipped on the power with huge expectant grins on our faces.<br /><br />What we were subjected to next truly is the stuff of horror stories. A few choice phrases that were uttered within the first five minutes may give you an idea of the full depravity of what we witnessed:<br /><br />“What the hell is that? It looks like a bright red CG cock!”<br /><br />“What's the deal with all the fuzzy electric sound effects? I can’t hear the damn jokes!”<br /><br />“Hang on a minute! These aren’t even <span style="font-weight: bold;">good </span>special effects! The 80s one you had in before was better!”<br /><br />“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHY?!?!”<br /><br />It appears, dear readers, that somehow (don’t ask me how) George Lucas has gotten his hands on our beloved space sitcom, Red Dwarf! And like Star Wars, E.T, and all the rest of them… he just couldn’t leave it be.<br /><br />He’s turned it into something else… something… wrong… something too terrible to imagine!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/1600/wrongcock2.0.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5400/648/320/wrongcock2.0.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Why? It wasn’t meant to be some high budget sci-fi flick! It’s a fecking sitcom! So why exactly have we got CG skutters roaming about in the foreground, stupid and utterly pointless CG tunnel chase scenes, and added post-production audio effects that make half the jokes inaudible? I half expected Kryten to walk in and say: “Me-sah Jar Jar!!!”<br /><br />The worst thing is it would appear you can’t even buy the original, un-bolloxed versions any more!<br /><br />That bastard Lucas! Rob Grant and Doug Naylor go to all that effort to make a fantastic and timeless comedy set in space, and you’ve gone and buggered it all up! Cheers George, nice one!<br /><br />What’s next? Are we going to see Basil Fawlty smacking the crap out of a CG Ewok from Barcelona? You fiddling bastard!<br /><br />In response <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lemmy&Binky </span>are proud to have set up the <span style="font-style: italic;">Lucaswatch</span> scheme.<br /><br />Have you spotted George Lucas leafing through your home movie collection in the dead of the night, maybe browsing the comedy section of your local HMV, or perhaps even breaking into your production studio and helping himself to your post-production room? If so, contact us immediately and we will be sure to report his whereabouts in our efforts to protect other people’s creative works! George Lucas MUST be stopped before it is too late!<br /><br />We will try, but we will need your help!<br /><br />Help us kill George Lucas today! Did I say kill? I do of course mean kill.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31964039.post-1154613663101600882006-08-03T13:46:00.000+00:002007-01-07T19:07:58.948+00:00Industry Top Facts: Peter Molyneux<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1033/3485/1600/peter.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1033/3485/320/peter.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Welcome to our regular feature where we dispense some interesting and completely true facts about leading people in the game industry!<br /><br />The subject of this week's Industry Top Facts is the great Peter Molyneux! Let the factage commence!:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />1</span>. Peter Molyneux was invented by Sir Alexander Fleming in 1928.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2</span>. For fun, Peter likes nothing more than shaving his collection of Arabian Baboons.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />3</span>. Peter was once arrested for spilling a cup of tea on <span style=""> Donald Rumsfeld's head during a volleyball tournament in Santa Monica.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span>. Peter's all time </span><span style="">favourite </span><span style="">game is <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://gibbage.co.uk/">Gibbage</a>, and he categorically denies that Dan Marshall has ever made a threatening phone call to him at 2am.<br /><br /></span><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">5</span>. Peter once got up to go to the toilet 12 times in one night.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6</span>. Peter Molyneux spelt backwards spells the words "Buy Fable, It's Fab".<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7</span>. Peter's company, Lionhead, was named after a mountain lion skull Peter uses to scare away Trick or Treaters.<br /><br />You learn something new every day, don't you?<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5